Love Language #4 Gifts

 

Gifts for some children are very important. They look forward to their parents returning from vacations and business trips. They can’t wait to see what new thing they will receive. However, parents need to be mindful of making sure the other love languages their child needs are met.

If their love needs are not met in any other areas and they don’t feel the love from parents except with gifts, they will have problems. A child can feel like the only thing the parents care about is to give them things, not their time and love.

A gift along with knowing the person really loves you makes the gift special. Your child will know that you love them and that they purchased the gift with you in mind. We went on a trip one time and I brought our girls the same thing. I heard one say something about them being the same. I felt really bad after that. I should have thought more about each of their likes.

For I say, through the grace given to me,

to everyone who is among you,

not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,

but to think soberly, as God has dealt to

each one a measure of faith

For as we have many members in one body,

but all the members do not have the same function,

so we, being many, are one body in Christ,

and individually members of one another.

Having then gifts differing according to

the grace that is given to us, let us use them[1]

 

We need to be careful not to use gifts as payments for chores or a bribe to stay busy so you can accomplish a task. These types of gifts make a child feel unloved and that receiving the gift is only if they do what is asked of them.

Jacob sent gifts to Esau to make sure that he would be received well after cheating Esau out of the birthright.

Then Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau

his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom.

And he commanded them, saying,

“Speak thus to my lord Esau, ‘Thus your servant Jacob says:

“I have dwelt with Laban and stayed there until now.

I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, and male and female

servants; and I have sent to tell my lord,

that I may find favor in your sight.” ’ ”[2]

 

What types of gifts are special to your kids?

[1] The New King James Version. (1982). (Ro 12:3–6). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[2] The New King James Version. (1982). (Ge 32:3–5). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

 

Quality Time

 

We can turn any time with our children into quality time. Take advantage of a long ride. Ask a few questions or share something from your past. Your children will love to hear stories about how you met your husband.

Share a favorite memory of yours, or how you handled a similar situation that they are going through.

Plan quality time with each of your children. It could be a day alone with them. Go shopping, or to a movie, then their favorite restaurant for a meal. Another example could be reading together. If they can read have them read their favorite book or a few chapters to you.

If you have more than one child each parent should spend quality alone time with each of the kids. This will give them a strong feeling of love from each parent.

 

Don’t forget to have quality time with your husband too.

We planned one night a month for date night when the girls were young. There were many times that we couldn’t afford to go out for the evening. I would feed the girls and get them settled for the night. Then have a nice quiet dinner for two. I would get out the china and crystal and light some candles. Even if it was an inexpensive dinner it felt special.

One time the girls wanted to make our dinner and serve it. They made a menu to show us what our dinner would be. I can’t remember the main course, but the appetizer was sliced apples with straight cinnamon sprinkled on top. With a lot of water, we chocked down the cinnamon and apples. A few days later I explained that you needed to add sugar to the cinnamon before putting it on the apples.

Memories like these are priceless quality time for us and our girls.

What are some of your favorite times alone with your children?

Love Language #3 Quality Time

Our children need our quality time. It helps build their self-esteem. It’s sometimes hard to give them time when      we  are trying to take care of things around the house after a busy day at work. We just need to prioritize our tasks.

Take a few minutes before you need to do something and spend it with your child. They will love the time with you. Then you can ask them to help you with something and they will feel even more important. They get time with you and you get help. It’s a win-win for both of you.

Not all children need quality time, but they still need your time. Some children even misbehave just to get your attention. Then as they get older it gets harder to find that time. With your busy schedule and theirs it can be hard to find some time together.

Think back to when you were a child, what are the times you remember the best about being with your parents? Did you go somewhere special? Or were the quiet times alone with a parent more memorable?

I remember as a teenager, after dinner my Dad would play the organ and we’d sing songs together. I still think of those time with fondness.

Remember to make positive eye contact with your child too. Too often we only look them in the eyes when we are upset with them. The look and the smile in the eyes can say I love you too.

6 Things To Do To Prepare For a Writer’s Conference

1.Pray:

The first and most important thing we can do is to pray. Does God want us to attend this conference? Do we have a project to “Pitch?” Who do we need to set up meetings with? What classes should we take?

2.Research:

Make sure you completely research the agents, publishers, and acquisition editors. You need to be prepared with exactly what they are looking for. On their websites you can find what their requirements are for submissions.

Also look up the descriptions of the classes that will be presented. You need to choose wisely the sessions you will take.

3.Prepare documents:

Have your One Page, Synopsis, Platform, and Pitch ready.

If you have critique groups, have your manuscript ready to go. Make sure you have enough copies for everyone. This is a great opportunity to have a larger piece of your work critiqued.

4.Pack:

What type of clothing is suggested? Business casual or casual. Is there a dress up function?

Make sure you know what the weather predictions will be. Take along an umbrella. Also a jacket in case the classrooms are chilly.

Will there be a professional photographer? Have something ready for your photos>

5.Relax:

Be prepared by the day before you leave for the conference. Get a good night sleep. Have quality time with your family.

6.Pray:

For all attending the conference. Safe travels for everyone. Especially for the family members left at home.

Are you going to a conference?

Love Language #1 Physical Touch

 

 

Physical touch can help a child with a difficult situation from “The 5 Love Languages of Children The Secret to Loving Children Effectively,” By: Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, from Northfield Publishing Chicago. This is an excerpt from the book.

 

 

 

Samantha is a fifth-grader whose family recently

moved to a new community. “It’s been hard this

year, moving and having to make new friends.

Back at my old school and town, I knew everybody

and they knew me.” When we asked if she ever

felt as if her parents didn’t love her because they

took her away from her old school and town,

Samantha said, “Oh no, I never felt they did this

on purpose. I know they love me, because they

always give me lots of extra hugs and kisses.

I wish we hadn’t had to move, but I know

Daddy’s job is important.”

 

This is a good example how a child was able to handle something that was very hard for her. She was able to make the change because her parents gave her extra love and touches. The hugs and kisses went a long way to help Samantha acclimate to her new surroundings. I would imagine they talked a lot with her as well and helped her to meet the new neighbors and school friends.

If we teach our children about the unconditional love of God, this will help them to know that he’s always there for them, just like we are. Show them with your prayers that they can take anything to God in prayer. Teach them to:

 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. [1]

Some children need the hugs and kisses, while others may need different ways of touching. There are parents that aren’t the hugs and kisses type of people. Throwing kids up in the air or spinning them is a way to touch and show your love to the kids. In this way playing can be a way of showing their love.

There is a dad in the book that had to learn how to show his affection to his four-year-old daughter. He wasn’t a touchy feeling person. Learning how to give a gentle touch along with a  hug and kiss they grew closer. She also will have a better relationship with men when she grows up, because she learned the gift of affection from her dad.

Physical touch can be as easy as a pat on the arm or back as they walk by. If your child is upset you can hold their hand and give it a little squeeze. That will convey more than words can say.

Jesus said: “Let the children come to me![2]   

He wanted to touch them to show how much he loved them.

When we get together with our grandchildren they pretend they don’t want to be hugged and kissed and run away. I chase after them and they always back themselves into a corner. We make a game out of it, but I know they still want my love and attention.

Share with us the ways you show your love to the children around you.

[1] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Dt 6:5). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[2] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Mk 10:14). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

A Word of Hope

There is hope in raising our children in this crazy world. With unconditional love, our love that doesn’t judge, we can’t give enough. We can’t spoil them with this love. We can spoil them by not training them in the ways of life to properly react to others. By praising and giving awards for just participating while not giving their best, is spoiling and teaching them that they can do no wrong. We are also teaching our children that they can always have their own way.

The children need to also learn of the love of God and to follow His laws.

 

4 Listen, Israel! The Lord our God is the only true God! 5 So love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. 6 Memorize his laws 7 and tell them to your children over and over again.[1] Dt 6:4–9

 

We do have to remember that the way we teach our children changes as they get older. As they grow their needs change and what they can understand changes. We need to help them to relate with others, and teach them appropriate ways to interact with them. Discussions on building friendships, how not to bully, and ways to appropriately act with those in authority.

 

4    Why do you fight and argue with each other? Isn’t it because you are full of selfish desires that fight to control your body? 2 You want something you don’t have, and you will do anything to get it[2] Jas 4:1–3

We need to build up the children’s self-esteem with praising their talents and special gifts they were given by God. Encourage them to work at those talents they are good at, but don’t push too hard or they may back off.

 

 

3 I realize how kind God has been to me, and so I tell each of you not to think you are better than you really are. Use good sense and measure yourself by the amount of faith that God has given yo

u. [3] Ro 12:3

 

Using Words of Affirmation will help the children learn what is good and what is not. Use age appropriate language, time, and touch. For little ones: good job, I’m proud of you for trying, and keep working at it and you will get it. For older kids: great job, I knew you could do it, I know this is difficult for you how can I help you understand this?

As children and adults, we all need some form of the 5 Languages of Love. We also need to teach our children how to use these languages of love with those around them. This will help them to become well rounded adults.

How do you show affirmation to you kids?

[1] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Dt 6:4–9). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[2] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Jas 4:1–3). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[3] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Ro 12:3). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Price Change

Announcement: We have decided to change the price of  “Bible Characters Through the Ages”

Two time traveling children want to meet the historical figures of the Bible starting with Adam, but in the past they lose their time travel machine. Can they find their way back home before time has changed? Then, can they return to meet another historical figure of the Bible? Read “Bible Characters Through the Ages” the series to share their adventures.

Then discuss the questions at the end of the books with your children. See how they would interact with the Bible Characters.-

Please write a review for the books you purchase.

 

Love Is The Foundation

The 5 Love Languages

By

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

 

Chapter 1: Love Is The Foundation

 

Each of our children are different and need to be shown love in ways that will speak to them. If things change in our daily lives it can affect our children. Such as a change in jobs which demand more time for a parent to be away from home. Another change can be the parent that was always at home to begin a job away from home. The children can feel the change and they may feel like they aren’t loved as much because they aren’t getting the attention they were used to having. There can be many other changes in our lives that can affect how our children react.

Until we find out why they have a change in their behavior, they will feel like they are being deprived of love. It’s important to talk with them and question the changes they are going through. Make sure they don’t think you are mad at them.

They can fall behind in school, close themselves off from family and friends and won’t meet their potential. The child needs to know that your love isn’t based on what they do or don’t do, but that as a parent you love them no matter what. Tell them that you may not like what they do or say at times, but that you still love them.

In this age of instant media and social media I imagine it’s harder for parents to know the best way to approach their children. It seems like there is always something going on, we’re told things like “It’s all about me.” Everywhere we turn there is violence, which can cause a negative effect as well.

Families seem to be going in so many different directions and don’t have as much family time. When I was growing up it seemed like everyone went to church. It’s just what you did on Sunday morning. The only thing open was the hospital and a few restaurants. It was a day to spend with family. On Saturday you made sure you had the food you needed and gas in your car, if not you had to wait until Monday. I believe the change in having stores open on Sunday’s was the beginning of the downfall of families spending time together. It seems to be getting harder and harder to just have family time.

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell have come up with labels for the different kids of love that all of us need especially children:

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

Physical touch

We all need some amount of touch. Some more than others. My husband will walk by me and run his hand across my shoulders. This gives me a warm feeling of his love, that he is reaching out to let me know he’s there and loves me. Frequently when I am cooking dinner he will come up behind me and kiss me on the neck. Without words he’s saying I love you and appreciate that you are making a meal for us to share.

For our kids we can show love in touch by tickling, wrestling, or a playful pat on the behind. Some children and adults need hugs and touch all of the time. Some don’t like to be touched as much, we’re all different. This can depend on how we were raised and how much love and affection we received. It’s also a personal thing that is due to how God put us together. Some of us also need to hear the words I love you.

Next time we’ll talk about: Words of affirmation.

What are some of the physical ways you reach out to others?

The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages

By: Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

 

I just learned of this book from some homeschool teachers. It’s a good book to use as discussion starters. I encourage you to buy the book and join in the discussion.

Each of us is different in how we experience love. As parents we are responsible to help our children to know that they are loved. We also need to figure out what each of our children need in order to feel loved. They must know that they are loved no matter what. We may not like their actions, but we still love them. Our unconditional love won’t spoil them. Giving of things rather than love and time is what can spoil a child. Keep in mind the age of the children, the way we show love may change as they get older.

They are facing so many more hurdles than we did. The social media can have a very negative affect on our children.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

In the past we worried about self-esteem. A lot of parents went too far and praised the kids for everything. Giving awards for just being at the game, or activity. They lost the learning they should have from accepting that they can’t always win in life. The kids have a false sense of always being the best and that others should always praise them. They can also go in the opposite direction by thinking that they can’t do anything right and have bad self-esteem. Being a parent trying to walk the balance beam of helping our children become strong caring adults is very difficult. Learning the 5 Love Languages can be a big help in learning how to best reach out to our children. Remember to look at the stage your child is in and make adjustments in how you show the different love languages.

Have you read this book? If so how has it helped you? If not do you think this will help you understand you children better?

Countdown To Christmas 4

This week let’s bake the cookies for the family. Having the kids or grandkids help to make and decorate them is always fun. Make sure each of the kids has a part in the fun. At two they can pour something in the bowl (maybe with a little help) from the measuring cup. The three through four-year-old’s can do this themselves. Around six the can start to do the measuring. Show them the mark on the measuring cup and guide them to check the mark each time they add more of their ingredient.

This is my recipe for sugar cookies. One that most kids love and have fun making.

1 cup shortening

1 ¼ cup sugar

3 eggs

3 cups flour

3 t baking powder

½ t salt

1 t vanilla

Mix ingredients in order of the list. Drop by a spoonful on a cookie sheet. Or you can chill the dough and roll out to ¼ inch on a floured counter and use cookie cutters to make the shapes. Bake at 375 degrees 8 to 10 minutes. Edges will be slightly golden.

Once the cookies are baked and cooled let them have fun with frosting and decorating. This is my frosting for sugar cookies. It forms a light crust when dry.

4 cups of powdered sugar

½ stick of butter

½ teaspoon vanilla

a splash milk at a time until frosting is thick and smooth

Beat well between additions of milk to check consistency. This makes enough for a double batch of sugar cookies.

Then have colored sugar, sprinkles, and candies for decorating.

Another thing you can do with the kids is have them go through their toys. Tell them they can give toys or games that they don’t play with anymore. Pick the nicest looking toys or games and wrap them. Call a children’s hospital and see if there are children your kids can share their gifts with.

This will be a good lesson for them on sharing. As you give the gifts, have the kids talk with those receiving them how you can pray for them. Don’t visit too long, you don’t want to tire the kids out.

Please take time for yourself to rest. Don’t worry about things. Enjoy what you have ready. The time with family and friends is what is important. The Reason for the Season is to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!