How To Discover Your Child’s Love Language


How To Discover Your Child’s Love Language


As a parent, we need to be aware of all of the 5 Love Languages. We also need to help our children understand each Love Language, so they can be a more well-rounded person.

When they’re newborns we need to use all of them. It will take awhile to figure out which is the more prominent Love Language for your child. It’s also important to pick up clues early-on as to what they respond best to so that you don’t cause undue frustration. This can be important for you as well as your child.

As your child grows their Love Language may seem to change due to the natural changes that they go through as they become adolescents. They may need to receive one type of love but give their love in a different way.


When they are growing up don’t tell them that their Love Language is only one thing. Some children may use that to get things they want by controlling the situation.

How does your young child express their love to you? If they give you affirming words then this could be what they need back. An older child may use words of affirmation to get what they want.

If their Love Language is gifts, do they enjoy giving gifts as much as they like receiving them? Let them take the lead in whether they want to give a gift to someone.

Listening to your child’s complaints can be another clue as to what their primary Love Language is. Are they complaining about not having enough of your time? Or maybe wishing they could so something a friend is doing. Be careful, what they are saying may only be a desire to have something that someone else has.

If you have some free time you can let your child choose between two things. Like, spend time together, buy a gift, or help them prepare for an assignment. This lets them choose how to spend their time with you.

We didn’t have a lot of money when we were raising our girls. I would offer them time to cook or bake something. It was fun working in the kitchen with them and sharing something I love to do. Now I get the fun to teach the grandchildren. Not long ago the oldest granddaughter and I made bread.





She felt so proud of herself when she held her loaf of bread in her hands. She loved the way it tasted too.

I’d love to hear some of your stories.

8 replies
  1. Michelle Adserias
    Michelle Adserias says:

    My youngest is the only one at home now. I believe her love language is quality time spent together… which is easy because that’s also my husband’s and mine. Even though she’s 18 now, she still leans over and rests her head on my shoulder sometimes during church, and we still play board games together on Sunday afternoons. Even though we butt heads from time to time, I’m grateful for such a sweet relationship!

  2. Jann
    Jann says:

    I love that/ Years ago our oldest and I worked at the same office. She’d come in when she got off school, sit on my lap and say “Hi Mommy.” I treasure moments like those. Enjoy your daughter while she’s still at home.

  3. Jeanne Doyon
    Jeanne Doyon says:

    My children are all grown, but their love languages still stand out. My son and his wife also read the book together to discover theirs. Now I need to think about my grands.

  4. Heather Bock
    Heather Bock says:

    I have so enjoyed this series—I’ve read this book, but I need the reminders of the different love languages to help my kids understand that I love them. Thank you!

  5. Carole Sparks
    Carole Sparks says:

    When my kids were younger, I tried to show them all the love languages as much as possible! I paid attention to the ones that didn’t come naturally to me, thinking my own love language would express itself without much effort. Now that they are double-digits, I pay special attention to their given love languages, but I think we can all learn to receive love in all five languages. I hope my children are learning to do that so maybe their friendships and marriages will be a little easier. For example, none of us are big on gifts, but just today, I got them each a couple of books at a used book sale.

    This has been a great series, Jann. Thanks for doing it!

  6. Jann
    Jann says:

    Thank you Carole. I appreciate your support. I need some to pray and figure out where God is leading me. I’ll finish the series in about a month. God bless.

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