Love Is The Foundation

The 5 Love Languages

By

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

 

Chapter 1: Love Is The Foundation

 

Each of our children are different and need to be shown love in ways that will speak to them. If things change in our daily lives it can affect our children. Such as a change in jobs which demand more time for a parent to be away from home. Another change can be the parent that was always at home to begin a job away from home. The children can feel the change and they may feel like they aren’t loved as much because they aren’t getting the attention they were used to having. There can be many other changes in our lives that can affect how our children react.

Until we find out why they have a change in their behavior, they will feel like they are being deprived of love. It’s important to talk with them and question the changes they are going through. Make sure they don’t think you are mad at them.

They can fall behind in school, close themselves off from family and friends and won’t meet their potential. The child needs to know that your love isn’t based on what they do or don’t do, but that as a parent you love them no matter what. Tell them that you may not like what they do or say at times, but that you still love them.

In this age of instant media and social media I imagine it’s harder for parents to know the best way to approach their children. It seems like there is always something going on, we’re told things like “It’s all about me.” Everywhere we turn there is violence, which can cause a negative effect as well.

Families seem to be going in so many different directions and don’t have as much family time. When I was growing up it seemed like everyone went to church. It’s just what you did on Sunday morning. The only thing open was the hospital and a few restaurants. It was a day to spend with family. On Saturday you made sure you had the food you needed and gas in your car, if not you had to wait until Monday. I believe the change in having stores open on Sunday’s was the beginning of the downfall of families spending time together. It seems to be getting harder and harder to just have family time.

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell have come up with labels for the different kids of love that all of us need especially children:

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

Physical touch

We all need some amount of touch. Some more than others. My husband will walk by me and run his hand across my shoulders. This gives me a warm feeling of his love, that he is reaching out to let me know he’s there and loves me. Frequently when I am cooking dinner he will come up behind me and kiss me on the neck. Without words he’s saying I love you and appreciate that you are making a meal for us to share.

For our kids we can show love in touch by tickling, wrestling, or a playful pat on the behind. Some children and adults need hugs and touch all of the time. Some don’t like to be touched as much, we’re all different. This can depend on how we were raised and how much love and affection we received. It’s also a personal thing that is due to how God put us together. Some of us also need to hear the words I love you.

Next time we’ll talk about: Words of affirmation.

What are some of the physical ways you reach out to others?

4 replies
  1. Heather Bock
    Heather Bock says:

    I love to try to give physical touch love to my kids every day. My kids are growing older—5, 8, and almost 10, but they all still want me to pick them up and hold them every day! I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do that, but I love that they want to.

    Heather Bock

  2. Jann
    Jann says:

    I know how that is. My 7 year old grandson doesn’t always want hugs anymore. I’ll take all of the cuddles I can get. You can continue the touch, just lay a hand on their arm or shoulder as you walk by. In that way you are still connecting, but not making them feel funny. As they get older the hugs can come back. When I see my girls they hug me hello and goodbye. 😉

  3. Connie Wohlford
    Connie Wohlford says:

    Jann, you’re so right that we need to continually show love to our children (and grandchildren for me). Six of our eight grandchildren are now teens. It has been very interesting to observe how they have evolved in their reactions to physical touch. I am proactive to showing respect for each one’s preferences while demonstrating my love as well.
    Thanks for your meaningful post.

  4. Jann
    Jann says:

    Thank you Connie. I too have grandchildren. The 7 year-old grandson is starting to reject hugs sometimes. I asked him the other day if he would rather shake hands. Looking forward to his occasional hugs though. Thank you so much for your response. What kind of books do you write?

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