Love Language #1 Physical Touch



Physical touch can help a child with a difficult situation from “The 5 Love Languages of Children The Secret to Loving Children Effectively,” By: Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, from Northfield Publishing Chicago. This is an excerpt from the book.




Samantha is a fifth-grader whose family recently

moved to a new community. “It’s been hard this

year, moving and having to make new friends.

Back at my old school and town, I knew everybody

and they knew me.” When we asked if she ever

felt as if her parents didn’t love her because they

took her away from her old school and town,

Samantha said, “Oh no, I never felt they did this

on purpose. I know they love me, because they

always give me lots of extra hugs and kisses.

I wish we hadn’t had to move, but I know

Daddy’s job is important.”


This is a good example how a child was able to handle something that was very hard for her. She was able to make the change because her parents gave her extra love and touches. The hugs and kisses went a long way to help Samantha acclimate to her new surroundings. I would imagine they talked a lot with her as well and helped her to meet the new neighbors and school friends.

If we teach our children about the unconditional love of God, this will help them to know that he’s always there for them, just like we are. Show them with your prayers that they can take anything to God in prayer. Teach them to:

 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. [1]

Some children need the hugs and kisses, while others may need different ways of touching. There are parents that aren’t the hugs and kisses type of people. Throwing kids up in the air or spinning them is a way to touch and show your love to the kids. In this way playing can be a way of showing their love.

There is a dad in the book that had to learn how to show his affection to his four-year-old daughter. He wasn’t a touchy feeling person. Learning how to give a gentle touch along with a  hug and kiss they grew closer. She also will have a better relationship with men when she grows up, because she learned the gift of affection from her dad.

Physical touch can be as easy as a pat on the arm or back as they walk by. If your child is upset you can hold their hand and give it a little squeeze. That will convey more than words can say.

Jesus said: “Let the children come to me![2]   

He wanted to touch them to show how much he loved them.

When we get together with our grandchildren they pretend they don’t want to be hugged and kissed and run away. I chase after them and they always back themselves into a corner. We make a game out of it, but I know they still want my love and attention.

Share with us the ways you show your love to the children around you.

[1] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Dt 6:5). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[2] The Holy Bible: The Contemporary English Version. (1995). (Mk 10:14). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

6 replies
  1. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    Sounds like a great book, Jann. I’ve read the Five Languages of Love (a previous work) and found it very informative and helpful. In addition to the ways to show love to our children that you mention above, I’d add the importance of teaching them respect and responsibility. As you point out, it’s important that our children know we love them and that we demonstrate that love. Preparing them to be a good citizen and a contributing member of society also shows our love–that we care enough about them to help prepare them for a rewarding and productive life.

  2. Michelle Adserias
    Michelle Adserias says:

    One of our daughters is very affectionate. The other is not. It’s a function of their different personalities. Both, however, loved to sit in my lap and be rocked when they were little. And both come to sit in my lap and let me hold them when they need a good cry — even though they’re now 18 and 20 years old! With our boys, there was tickling and wrestling and good-natured horseplay along with the hugs!

  3. Jann
    Jann says:

    Thank you Katherine. Very good point. that is also important. Our love and teaching should also show them how to treat others.I’m sorry I took awhile to get back to you. Please let me know if you would recommend any other books. God bless.

  4. Jann
    Jann says:

    Thank you Michelle for your response. Yes, each of our children are very different. The oldest would come into where we both worked and sit on my lap after school and say “Hi Mommy how is your day going?” The other daughter is still very affectionate and is 34.

  5. Heather Bock
    Heather Bock says:

    I read this book to help my daughter last year, who didn’t seem to be accepting my love fully. I think touch is one of her love languages, but more so words of affirmation and quality time. Thank you for the reminder of this!

  6. Jann
    Jann says:

    Thank you Heather. I’m glad I could give you a reminder. I know I like touch too. My husband will run his hand across my back as he walks by as a reminder he loves me and he’s there for me. has the book helped her in reaching out to others?

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