Love Language #4 Gifts


Gifts for some children are very important. They look forward to their parents returning from vacations and business trips. They can’t wait to see what new thing they will receive. However, parents need to be mindful of making sure the other love languages their child needs are met.

If their love needs are not met in any other areas and they don’t feel the love from parents except with gifts, they will have problems. A child can feel like the only thing the parents care about is to give them things, not their time and love.

A gift along with knowing the person really loves you makes the gift special. Your child will know that you love them and that they purchased the gift with you in mind. We went on a trip one time and I brought our girls the same thing. I heard one say something about them being the same. I felt really bad after that. I should have thought more about each of their likes.

For I say, through the grace given to me,

to everyone who is among you,

not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,

but to think soberly, as God has dealt to

each one a measure of faith

For as we have many members in one body,

but all the members do not have the same function,

so we, being many, are one body in Christ,

and individually members of one another.

Having then gifts differing according to

the grace that is given to us, let us use them[1]


We need to be careful not to use gifts as payments for chores or a bribe to stay busy so you can accomplish a task. These types of gifts make a child feel unloved and that receiving the gift is only if they do what is asked of them.

Jacob sent gifts to Esau to make sure that he would be received well after cheating Esau out of the birthright.

Then Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau

his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom.

And he commanded them, saying,

“Speak thus to my lord Esau, ‘Thus your servant Jacob says:

“I have dwelt with Laban and stayed there until now.

I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, and male and female

servants; and I have sent to tell my lord,

that I may find favor in your sight.” ’ ”[2]


What types of gifts are special to your kids?

[1] The New King James Version. (1982). (Ro 12:3–6). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

[2] The New King James Version. (1982). (Ge 32:3–5). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.


The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages

By: Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell


I just learned of this book from some homeschool teachers. It’s a good book to use as discussion starters. I encourage you to buy the book and join in the discussion.

Each of us is different in how we experience love. As parents we are responsible to help our children to know that they are loved. We also need to figure out what each of our children need in order to feel loved. They must know that they are loved no matter what. We may not like their actions, but we still love them. Our unconditional love won’t spoil them. Giving of things rather than love and time is what can spoil a child. Keep in mind the age of the children, the way we show love may change as they get older.

They are facing so many more hurdles than we did. The social media can have a very negative affect on our children.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

In the past we worried about self-esteem. A lot of parents went too far and praised the kids for everything. Giving awards for just being at the game, or activity. They lost the learning they should have from accepting that they can’t always win in life. The kids have a false sense of always being the best and that others should always praise them. They can also go in the opposite direction by thinking that they can’t do anything right and have bad self-esteem. Being a parent trying to walk the balance beam of helping our children become strong caring adults is very difficult. Learning the 5 Love Languages can be a big help in learning how to best reach out to our children. Remember to look at the stage your child is in and make adjustments in how you show the different love languages.

Have you read this book? If so how has it helped you? If not do you think this will help you understand you children better?